Scribbles

Been utterly swamped the last few weeks, work being a major culprit, especially the last two days.  Yeah, excuses for lack of updates get tiresome.  But I had to blog about this one.  What really irked me this morning is when I tried to access one of my favorite web comics, Sam and Fuzzy, and ran into this:

Come on!  What the hell is going on here?  Sure, the author, in his good humor, may concede that his work is a bit extreme, especially the Fuzzy character, but “Cinema and Television?”  Who categorized this?  I'm pissed that my company's stupid web proxy uses this retarded 3rd party filter company to censor web content.  It's not like I'm in China.  I seriously wonder how many people in my entire company read this comic, perhaps two (even though it should be more)?  *&@#!!!!

I came across this nifty article “How to be Creative,” that captures many interesting points and theories that are applicable beyond the realm of creativity and art, to considering one's personal and career goals.  Most of the ideas resonate strongly with my personal beliefs, such as worthwhile things in life demand hard work, don't be a sheep, don't kill your inner child, attempting to achieve your dreams, taking care of yourself so you can run the extra mile, and much more.  The author, Hugh Macleod, humorously articulates his thoughts in the context of his own creative work, cartoons on the back of business cards (which also happen to be scattered throughout the article.)  One of his quotes, “So now we have millions upon millions of human tapeworms thriving in the Western World, making love to their Powerpoint presentations, feasting on the creativity of others” bowled over me and left me cringing as I reflected on that statement in the context of my job and my not so veiled disgust of the evil medium made ubiquitous by Micro$oft.  I am now officially adding the “tapeworm test” to my list of where-am-I-in-my-life litmus tests, one that I am loathsomely failing on my current project. 

As I began reading the article, I couldn't stop until finishing, even in flagrant display with colleagues walking around wondering what the hell was on my computer screen – it really was that engaging and inspirational.  Please check it out and think of your own goals and actions.  I dare you to feel like you wasted your time.  When you're done, tell me if you feel like a tapeworm, a sheep, or the person who dared to climb your childhood Everest.  Huge credit to Guy Kawasaki for the reference.

After enjoying some significant sunshine in California and a 70-degree Saturday in NYC, I now awake every morning to scrape the ice off my windshield here in Atlanta. Gee, I haven’t done that since a year ago in our French chateau. Alas the streak of being spoiled by nice weather (be it global warming driven or not) had to end. While it is quite cold, and my lungs don’t fully appreciate the humid, freezing air, I still appreciate the sun and crisp blue skies. Now if only I had a windshield scraper instead of my hotel card key.

When does the snow start?

Oftentimes I imagine that I were the client and how I would interact with consultants.  Eventually my thinking turned to devising devious ways to extract more value (ie blood, sweat, tears) out of them.  After all, we pay so much for their services.  How can we guarantee the most bang for our company buck?  I brainstormed a bit and came up with a few ideas:

• Stock the team room with unlimited supplies of water, soda, caffeine, and snacks.  Common practice in the software industry, this keeps the consultants in the room working, instead of venturing to the vending machine.  The sugar and caffeine props them up for extended hours and gives them an extra oomph.  I’m curious if anyone every measured the productivity gains compared to the expenses.  In general, whatever expenses made will seem minuscule compared to the fees, so any marginal gain of work from this will generate huge returns.
• Continuing on the line of munchies, occasionally drop real food and treats.  Sandwiches, smoothies, whatever feels and tastes good.  Not only do you negate their chance to go out for dinner, wasting lots of time, it also makes the consultant feel special.  And in many cases, still having the college student mentality (despite making decent dough), they experience the free food syndrome – feeling like getting away with something, and otherwise ordinary food tasting much better.
• Secure a nice room with windows and all the necessary equipment.  If they don’t feel trapped in a dungeon, they will be more happy to work late.  Make sure there are plenty of power plugs and network connections for their laptops. Don’t make them move from room to room carrying all their things. The idea here is to minimize downtime and create a working environment that maximizes efficiency and desire to stay around.  Again, the costs are minimal but the returns are huge.
• Make them spend more time thinking, researching, interviewing, training – anything other than making slides.  When the big meeting happens, they will burn the midnight oil, yell at or beg their graphics pool, do whatever it takes to make pretty presentations anyways.  You must realize that there exist no bounds for improving the presentation.  Thus, minimize the time they spend covering their asses by looking good on PowerPoint, and direct their time towards producing more tangible results.
• Develop your own people by sticking them on the team.  Have that young, ambitious, competent employee who’s been wanting the opportunity prove him/herself?  Put that person on the team working around the clock with the consultants.  This not only ensures that when the consultants fly out of town that you’ll be able to continue or replicate the work, but also gives your person a decent chance to grow and learn. Despite being intrusive, expensive, and needy, the consultants are a hardworking, semi-intelligent bunch.  Surround your person with these folks for a few months, and they will elevate your employee’s game.
• Provide a small stereo in the team room.  You’d be amazed by the time distortion effects of music.  Even with today’s digital music on laptops and iPods, consultants usually don’t feel comfortable wearing headphones because it may appear unprofessional, or simply stymies the flow of conversation.  Again, make them comfortable in the work environment.

Now if only my clients would consult me on how to better milk us.