Jun 17 2007
Consultants Quarrel
What happens when consultants on the same project don't get along? Two stories: (all names fictional to protect their identities)
Back in February, I got into a tricky situation with one of my colleagues. Late Monday night, tired and stressed out, we were working furiously to finish next morning's CFO update. The other consultant on our team, Vladimir, asked the project leader about one particular slide that I had whipped up. The PL, being his usual reticent self, simply ignored him. Naturally I answered in place. Vlad brushes aside my reply and pushes the PL (now known as Leo) to respond. I felt a bit bemused, because it was my work, not Leo's. What did Vlad think Leo was going to tell him that I had not already? Determined, Vladimir pestered Leo on and on, finally getting a response. Predictably he reiterated my previous answer. Unsatisfied, the stubborn Vladimir now objected to the message of the slide and wanted a change. It was late and I was no longer entertained by the typical Vlad and Leo show, where Vlad asks for something, gets ignored or at best some grunts, and Vlad continues until Leo's patience wears thin enough to elaborate. Let's end this now I thought, so I told him we already considered his suggestion, listed the rationale behind each approach, and explained how we arrived at our decision. Here things got ugly. He glances at me, almost annoyed, barely acknowledges my explanation, and turns to Leo to resume the usual head-butt show. As if I had said nothing, he didn't respond to my points and went straight to the person making the final decision. I wasn't going to take that, so I loudly interrupted his questioning towards the PL, told him how rude it was to ignore me, and that my voice needs to be respected. Things got pretty awkward after that. Leo was taken aback by my outspokenness. The three of us quickly settled on a solution, but the atmosphere of the room became uncomfortable; Vlad and I just stopped communicating.
A few hours later, Vlad pulled me aside to a separate room and apologized. He expressed that it was not his intent to dis me, and welcomed future feedback for such behavior. He said that we have to work together as a team, and it wouldn't do for three people to be stuck in the same room for endless hours everyday while the uncomfortable situation festered. We shook hands and were cool. I was quite happy with the outcome; I expressed my feelings and we reached a good outcome. I also respect Vladimir for taking the initiative to smoothen things out to amend our working relationship. Kumbaya.
I wish I could say the same for myself. Last week, I found myself in a similar situation, where things got a bit ugly between me and another consultant. And even though I did nothing wrong, I didn't model Vladimir's grace in taking charge to sort things out. To my defense, I believe (and still do) that I was the person being wronged, but perhaps the larger reason behind my inaction was my weird detached existentialist mood last week.
Sabina and I have quite a good relationship. While on the same project team, our work doesn't overlap or interact much. Yet given the amount of chatter between us about all things, ranging from firm gossip to weekend trips, I consider us friends. Not everyone gets along so well within a typical team, and with a project the length of mine, five and half months, these friendships make the project a lot more enjoyable. While in Berlin last week, we conducted a week long working session with our entire project team that consisted over 50 participants. The days were long and strenuous, and more so for the consultants who had to prepare everything, guide the daily sessions, and summarize the results. Most of this occurred behind the scenes, earlier during the day and later at night when the clients aren't around. On Tuesday night, there was a scheduled social outing where everyone's attendance was expected. Unfortunately Sabina had a ton of preparation to complete for the next day. And being the control freak that she is, she decided to stay behind to finish. While the team enjoyed a night in a medieval chateau drinking beer and feasting on roast, she slaved away to ensure that workshop would run smoothly the next day.
During lunch the next day, the topic came up of her staying behind. A few of the clients on her module team claimed to have no idea why she had to skip out on the festivities since they couldn't see much results from her extra efforts. The first few times I prepared agendas and thought out how a working session should progress, I was surprised by the amount of time and effort it took me. Of course I defended her. But other than explaining the energy behind the planning, I could not offer concrete examples of what she did because I wasn't part of the workshop. They still shrugged off her hard work despite my protests. I wasn't happy about it, but didn't find it a big deal it happens all the time. During projects, clients rarely feel that consultants add much value and often believe that they could've done everything on their own without the exorbitant fees. Fair enough, this perception, grounded or not, comes with the territory. At the end, they can judge for themselves whether it was worth it, and decide the next time around if hiring consultants is necessary. I'm not offended at all; it's just how it is.
Fast forward to dinner with the entire consultant team, this topic comes up. Typical consultant chatter, clients hate us, clients did this, blah blah blah. Under the assumption that most consultants share my lack of concern for being under-appreciated, and Sabina being more than a year more experienced than me at this gig, I brought up the lunch time conversation. Little did I anticipate her swift and strong reaction. She demanded the names these clients, those who could not clearly see the light. Well I wasn't about to reveal the names of these individuals. Already regretted bringing up the entire matter, I reaffirmed to myself the refusal to betray a personal lunchtime conversation. I couldn't allow this seed to bloom into the weed garden of mistrust and misery between us and the client team. When I gave her my reasons for not ratting people out, she become so incensed. She tried repeatedly to get the names and I would not budge. Eventually she vowed to confront the entire team about their nonrecognition of her efforts. A few of my colleagues tried to interject, and as I further explained myself, she abruptly cut me off with a “I'm not discussing this with you.” I told her that was rude and asserted my right to speak. (Hmm, is this a pattern? Something about the way I am that draws this kind of response?) Then she switches over to German and gets into a heated argument with the rest. The poor intern tried to jump in, voicing the same principle of preserving the trust of a lunch table conversation and was immediately mowed down with a “don't interrupt me” sneer. (Oh, this was all in German but was explained to me later on.) We didn't exchange a single word the rest of the night. Sigh, hell indeed has no wrath like a woman scorned.
At the moment, I felt pretty angry at being treated so rudely, unhappy with myself about bringing up the whole topic, and disappointed that my perceived friendship didn't encompass amicable disagreements. But I quickly reverted to the “I don't care about anything” attitude that possessed me last week. [Not su
re what was the cause of it, but I simply stopped caring about everything. I still worked hard during the week, delivering good results, but the odd mood of feeling detached from life was pervasive and unusual.] What I should have done, was to take a chapter from the excellent Difficult Conversations book, and followed Vladimir's example by setting things straight. Be it friends or just colleagues, things can be quite uncomfortable within a project team. It really is a us versus client mentality and consultants share the bond of enduring long work hours, separation from friends and family, and lack of appreciation. When that unity disappears, we're each on our own.
Before I left Berlin, Sabina and I had a few awkward exchanges, but it was obviously not the same as before. And since I will be on my own again this coming week in Orlando, the difficult conversation will have to be postponed. Upon reflection, I can understand her reaction to the clients. She worked late that night while everyone else was merry making. She had been putting in extremely long hours since the project began. She had a few glasses of wine during dinner. Tempers flare and fatigue makes people snappy. I could say the same for myself, but the difference here is the criticism being directed at her. Maybe she felt her friendship was betrayed by my refusal to give up the names. All this conjecture needs to be cleared up. Since I made the boneheaded step onto the land mine, I'll have to dig myself out of the hole.
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